If Only
by Kathysweet
Summary: Aomine is unable to forget about the day of Kagami's accident. With each day that Kagami does not awake, the further Aomine slips into darkness. YAOI.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: future yaoi (boy x boy). **

**I don't own Kuroko no Basuke.**

* * *

_Your eyes, they shine so bright_

_I wanna save that light_

_I can't escape this now_

_Unless you show me how_

* * *

"Aomine," Momo said as she poked her head out the window from his room.

He of course did not answer, simply stayed lying on his back, even though the dingy tiles made it slightly uncomfortable, but the night was cool enough for him not to complain. It helped him relax, giving him some sense of _freshness _instead of the suffocating feeling he got when he stayed inside his room as of lately.

"Aomine," she repeated more strongly, as if she thought he had not heard her the first time.

Once again he gave her no reply.

A shuddering sigh left her lips, either too tired to try any further or in the verge of crying from his lack of response.

"It's only been three weeks," she said softly, her voice tense and not very reassuring to his ears. He could not help the scoff that left his lips, his disbelief that everything was gonna be okay dominating his usual aloof responds and causing him to answer before he could stop himself.

"The doctor sai-" she began, but was interrupted as Aomine sat up.

"The doctor has said a lot of things...but is he awake? No, right?" he finally said, his hand curling into a fist beside him to stop himself from going off on the girl. He knew what she was doing, and perhaps he should have been more grateful at her attempt, but as of now he felt numbness throughout his body. He could feel the cool breeze hit his body, yet he knew even without the chill of the night breeze, he would still feel empty.

His anger quickly diffused as he heard her sobs and sniffles, trying her best to keep them quiet, but failing miserably. He sagged in exhaustion and laid back down.

Hearing her sniffle and try to calm herself to tell him something, but he felt that if she opened her mouth and uttered any other word about _him_, he wouldn't be able to keep anything in.

All he knew was that talking and thinking about him made his throat close and itch in a way he was not used too. The thought of dark ruby eyes shining, causing his own dark blue eyes to water and a fusing ball of fire to form in the pit of his stomach from suppressed anger.

His muscles becoming tense and once it faded, he felt absolutely fatigued and weak. Aomine rolled on his side as he stopped her just as she opened those trembling lips.

"Go home Satsuki"

"Ao-"

"Go" he said more softly.

That must have struck something cause for once she did not argue or stubbornly try to get his attention; she just made an almost inaudible whimper before giving him an equally soft '_okay'._

Once he heard a soft click, indicating her departure, he sat up. Looking up at the sky, he tried very hard not to think.

More specifically he tried not to think of _him_.

Of the warm smiles.

Of the radiating light that shone when he looked at him, causing a need within him to want to make it brighter.

But most of all he tried not to think of that _day._

Of the oozing blood and paralyzing shock as he stared at the body laying practically lifeless in the street.

Of the distant noise as a crowd gathered and some telling him to move, but he could not, not matter how much he wanted. Of the muffled noise of a siren and paramedics checking for any signs of life in the body on the ground.

_Why didn't he move._

His feet had been planted, as if cement held them down, and he remembered wanting nothing else but go to where he lay and... Do something. Anything.

A tight knot made it to his throat and it made it hard for him to breathe. Coughing he put his head between his legs and tried his best to get the images of the accident out of his head, but it didn't work. He gasped for air as his eyes shut closed and he whispered to himself that it wasn't his fault.

Over and over again he told himself reassuring words of how he was not to blame , even if he didn't believe it, but that's what everyone kept telling him. It didn't alleviate the guilt swelling in his heart, but it only made his eyes sting and heart race. All he could do was wait until it somehow went away.

What felt like hours, but lasted just a few minutes, his throat cleared and heart slowed down. He was shaking and as he looked at the tiles of his roof, Aomine felt pathetic as he watched the tiles become stained with his tears.

Each pitter patter of his tears drops, made him look as each one landed one after another, his vision blurred and before he knew it sobs where wrenching out of his lips.

_Pathetic _was all he could think.

* * *

**Hello ^^, so just wanna say this in not a song fic just got inspired by those lyrics from Demons by Imagine Dragons. Didn't think that my first AoKaga would be angsty, but I've been wanting to write something more angsty and not cutsey as well as some AoKaga cause there is just not enough and I love them. Anyway hope you guys love it and I hope I didn't make Aomine too OCC (just wanted to see him cry. Is that cruel?). So please be kind and comment to tell me what all of you guys think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Kuroko no Basuke**

**Warning: Future Yaoi (rating might go up) boy x boy. **

* * *

It was easy to imagine him still around.

The way he would insult him and get all riled up when Aomine didn't give him a respond. How his cheeks would redden in frustration because of Aomine's indifference or how annoyed he got with Aomine's cocky smirk. His constant complaining- when they finished a one-on-one - about his stomach growling. The way he would focus solely on the ball and him when they played. His face brightening when Aomine so much as gave him an ounce of a compliment (even if it was said in an insulting manner).

Yes, he could still imagine him around.

Still it did not make up for what he didn't want to imagine, but actually wanted to feel or hear.

Like those few times his own dark skin and his tan skin would clash as they jumped for the ball. Even those times he made the idiot laugh so hard that he would snort, and Aomine being Aomine, would comment on it causing for another bout of back and forth insults.

He didn't want to imagine, it always ended with him _remembering _of that faithful day.

Though it didn't help that where ever he went, he would be reminded of the other male's absence.

At his school, and perhaps others, students talking among themselves in whispers.

_Did you hear about..._

_Can you believe he hasn't awaken..._

_I wonder if he will ever play basketball again, heard it was tragic..._

Even worse were his friends and family, whose concern always made them believe that all Aomine needed to do was "talk it out", but he couldn't.

He didn't have it in himself to even think about _his _name, or utter it, none the less talk about his own feelings.

So he stayed quiet.

Going to the hospital was a completely different matter.

If he could, he would always be in that white room. It was the only way he could keep his feeling at bay, seeing that he was not gone... yet. To watch the rise and fall of his chest was enough to give him hope, but once he could not see it he would drown.

Every time he had to leave the room a panic went into him; questions of the other suddenly declining or worse dying, made leaving the hospital a living hell.

It was becoming worse.

His panic attacks that is.

He was unable to hide it from Kuroko.

They usually happened when he was away from the red-head and when he had time to _think_ too much.

This time happened unexpectedly, while they tried to pass the street the red-head had been hit. His feet wouldn't move and he could feel himself begin to sweat. The signal for them to cross the street lighted up brightly and he began to shake as he felt as if he could not breathe.

"Aomine?" he heard the other say, but he was to busy trying to get a hold of himself. He felt small hands rubbing his back and he realized he had somehow sat down on the floor during his episode.

With a shuddering breath he tried to get up, his mind swerving and if it hadn't been for Kuroko's shoulder he would've face planted.

"Come on. Let's find a bench," he heard Kuroko say as the smaller male took his hand and led him to the nearby park.

He was really pathetic.

It was all he could keep thinking and he felt disgusted with the thought of someone seeing him like this.

"Here," Kuroko said, as he gently bumped his forehead with a cold water.

He took it with a quiet 'thanks', and began to drink it as he waited for Kuroko to say something. Kuroko sat next one him and for a few minutes they sat there in silence.

"How long?" Kuroko finally asked.

Aomine felt the need to deny it all; to ask tell him he didn't know what he was talking about, but he knew that wouldn't work. How could it? After that episode he knew that Kuroko wouldn't believe him nor would he let him forget about it. He would make sure that Aomine told him everything because that's just who Kuroko was; a good friend.

"Since the doctor told us he was in a coma."

"It's getting worse isn't it? I mean, a few weeks ago we walked through here with no problems. Why didn't you tell someone? Why didn't you tell Satsuki?"

Kuroko didn't sound angry, but perhaps he was frustrated. Both him and Satsuki have tried their hardest to get him to talk, to help him in any way, but Aomine was difficult.

He had always been, but if they bugged him long enough, he would let them have their way and tell them everything. But with this situation he didn't want to talk, all he wanted was him.

How could they help him, when all he wanted was far from reach.

"Does it matter?" he answered.

He felt Kuroko get up from the bench, moving so that he was in front of him and those deadpan eyes were boring a hole through his skull.

"He wouldn't be happy with the way you are acting," Kuroko said, causing for Aomine to lift his gaze at him. He was ready to tell him off, angry at the mention of how the other would feel setting a feel of annoyance in the pit of his stomach, but Kuroko beat him to the punch.

"Kagami is in love with you," that stopped him, his eyes widening in shock.

"He wouldn't want to see you like this, not for him."

Kuroko began walking away, stopping a few feet away from him, but not turning to look back at him.

"Kagami is strong. I am positive this will not take him down, have more faith in him," the other said, before leaving him there.

Aomime stayed still, sitting and shocked, and his heart beating faster than ever before.

It hurt.

_It wasn't fair. _

It wasn't fair that now that he knew about Kagami's feelings, he couldn't tell his to him.

Because he was sure that the other would have blushed and sputtered as he avoided his gaze and Aomine would have trapped him until the other admitted his. After he did, Aomine would have kissed him till the other was out of breath and weak in the knees.

The other would have pushed him away, and with flushed cheeks, he would've looked at him with his split eyebrows scrunched up and in an affectionate (although trying his best to sound angry) manner would have screamed "Ahomine!".

Leaning back with his head also facing up, he covered his eyes with an arm and for once hoped that what Kuroko said was true. Cause he was willing to believe in the red-head, he just really hoped it wouldn't break him any further.

_You better wake up Bakagami._

* * *

**Hi again! Hope those reading enjoy this chapter :). If I have to be honest I'm not really sure how long this fic will be, so far I'm going with the flow and enjoying writing this pair. Anyway thanks to all those that faved/followed/commented made my day XD.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Kuroko No Basuke**

**Warning: Future Yaoi (boy x boy) rating might go up.**

* * *

Its been two months since his talk with Kuroko, and four all together, since Kagami was pronounced comatose.

Since his talk with Kuroko, he let himself believe that the red-head would wake up, but in a way it made him more impatient.

Each day he kept begging the red-head to 'please just wake up' and each day he didn't, made his resolve become weak.

Kuroko and Satsuki made an effort to keep his mind busy, but he had never been one to lose himself in anything but basketball. So their efforts were more of an annoyance than helpful.

Sure Kuroko tried to play basketball with him, but his pace was still too slow for Aomine and he usually ended up frustrated with the need to have _his _idiot there to quarrel and play full-out with. Kuroko tried to get Kise to play with him, but the blond was usually busy with his modeling job or being with his team's captain.

The times he would play with the blonde, although challenging in its own way, was just never enough.

It just was never enough!

Without Kagami the flame was tame; there but barely alive.

He was the only one that made his adrenaline spike and feel like the old him; giddy and childlike.

Most of the time, when those two weren't trying to help, he spent it at the hospital and it was the only way to keep himself from doubting the red-head ever waking up.

Still, he didn't tell the other two, but he was starting to have nightmares.

Or at least he thought he was.

He never remembered his dreams, but he would awake with a racing heart and would be sweating profusely.

He was positive it was about Kagami.

He was all Aomine thought of now.

The longer it took for Kagami to wake up, the longer each passing day felt. He just wanted him to awake.

He wanted to hear his name being said by those lips.

More than anything he wanted to kiss the shit out of him.

Aomine sighed as he made his way to the hospital. He decided to go by himself; needing some space from the other two. Also because he felt as if he was intruding in their time together, he knew for a fact Satsuki wanted to be with Kuroko in a romantic way and their constant worry was delaying that chance.

"Aomine," he heard a soft sweet voice say. Confused, he looked around thinking that it was maybe Satsuki or a girl he use to play around with, what he did not expect was to find a red-headed woman looking at him with a soft smile.

Kagami's mother had come immediately from America after getting the news of what happened to her son. He remembered that day clearly, her face clear with worry and eyes puffed from crying too much. She almost collapsed as the doctor told her the news, but her wrenching sobs stayed with him as he watched her crumble on the floor.

If he was devastated by the news he couldn't even imagine how she must of felt.

Kagami's father had been more stronger, probably to be the rock for his wife, but he was just as devastated only that held it inside.

"Are you going to visit Taiga?" she asked knowingly.

He scratched the back of his head as he nodded a bit shyly. It was odd really. Aomine wasn't exactly the most respectful when it came to adults. He was respectful of his own parents and Satsuki's, but he never cared for others.

It was definitely different when it came to the red-heads parents, especially the mother. Aomine was pretty positive that she knew about his feelings for her son and it made him feel a bit afraid. He had thought she wouldn't like that sort of affection he had for her son, they were both male after all.

"Before that, do you think you can accompany me to grab something to eat? Have you eaten?"

"No, I planned on doing that in the Hospitals cafeteria, but sure I'll accompany you... Um Ma'am."

She chuckled at his attempt at politeness and told him that he didn't have to be so formal.

Surprisingly they went to Maji Burgers and for a second he wondered if she was going to order a stack of burgers like her son, it would explain where Kagami got his endless pit of a stomach, but she ordered a normal portion.

After they ordered and got their food, they sat at a booth that was furthest away from the other customers.

They sat and ate in silence for what seemed like hours, but it was probably because he was nervous of what she might say. Like to stop visiting her son and he really didn't know how he would be able to survive if she forbade him the one thing keeping him sane.

"You know when Kagami decided to move to japan I was completely against it," she said with a fond smile as she stared out the window.

"But he wanted to come so badly and he has always been such a daddy's boy that he was able to convince his father, who then convinced me."

Aomine smirked at the thought of the idiot being a daddy's boy and if he had known this before the accident, he probably would have messed with him.

"Of course I made him learn every house chore before he moved, and he didn't seem to mind, but he is my only child so it was hard to let go."

"It became apparent that he enjoyed living here, especially when you came along," she looked at him and smiled at the shock look he gave her.

"He called you quite a few colorful words, but you became an increasing topic every time he called and for that I wanted to thank you."

"T-thank me? Why?" he asked.

"For making my idiot son happy," she said, her eyes becoming watery.

"But also," she paused as her voice quivered.

"But also for loving my son. I just really wanted to tell you thank you, and if you can, to please continue to love him," she gave him a smile, even though her tears were now overflowing and he noticed how that smile was similar to Kagami's.

He smiled back at her before saying:

"I always will."

* * *

**I love the thought of Kagami's mother and Aomine having a heart to heart. Cause really what mother wouldn't be happy to see someone so fully devoted to their child? Anyway I hope you guys enjoy the new chapter and thank you to all who commented/followed/favorited makes me happy :).**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own Kuroko no Basuke.**

**Warning: Future yaoi (boyxboy). Rating might go up.**

* * *

Kagami opened his eyes two weeks after New Years.

Aomine had been in school when he heard the news and it didn't take much for him to run all the way to the hospital without stopping.

When he made it to the hospital, Kagami had already fallen asleep. As he watched the other sleep soundly in his hospital bed, himself out of breath, he thought for a minute that the call he had gotten had been a cruel joke. That Kagami was still comatose and he was finally going crazy from the waiting, but Kagami's mother came to him with a smile and hugged him as she cried in joy.

As she hugged him, once more she told him that "yes, he opened his eyes".

It wasn't a cruel joke, the red-head had finally woken up and he couldn't describe the feeling he got. All he could do at that moment was excuse himself as he went to the bathroom and let all the emotions out. Kagami's mother didn't seem to mind and just smiled at him when he came back from the bathroom; all red-eyed and with a big smile on his face.

The doctor told them that cases like Kagami didn't wake up right away, but the more times he opened his eyes the more aware he became. Eventually he would be able stay awake. He also told them that until than they wouldn't know how much Kagami would remember; amnesia wasn't uncommon when comatose patients awoke.

All that the doctor told them was right.

The second time Kagami opened his eyes was two days after the first time and Aomine was actually there.

Aomine's heart felt as it stopped the moment those exhausted red eyes locked with his own blue ones.

He opened his mouth to tell the red-head something, anything, but his mind went blank and all he could do was stare wide-eyed at Kagami who was battling with himself to stay awake. Exhaustion won and the red-haired male was back asleep within a few minutes.

It was ridiculous how happy that single moment made him and Aomine was sure that crying was becoming the norm when it had something to do with Kagami.

By the second week Kagami was able to stay awake for at least an hour or more and it kept increasing the more times he woke up. During that time, Kagami spent a lot of it with his doctor and nurses. In their evaluation they found that the red-head was able to talk, and other than the fact that he was slightly weak, his ability to move seemed intact.

The only thing they found was that Kagami's memory seemed to suffer. He was able to recognize his mother, father, and even Himuro. Other than that though, he did not recognize anyone else.

Aomine was happy, at least he tried to be. It didn't change that fact that it hurt when the red-head looked straight at him and asked him who he was. As if being hit with bricks, he felt his throat close and eyes water. Closing his eyes he did his best to gather himself and not show the weakness within him. Opening his eyes he looked at the other and with a straight face, and voice slightly hoarse from suppressed emotions, he told him his name.

* * *

Kagami was released from the hospital on the second month of the new year.

He still had amnesia and his mother had decided to stay while Kagami's father did not have such luxury. His job demanded him back to America and he left reluctantly.

Aomine still went to visit Kagami everyday after school with Satsuki and Kuroko. To his displeasure they rarely got to be alone; seeing as Kagami's teammates visited just as much as well as some other friends. Though the more he went over, the more began to notice Kagami's gaze on him.

A sort of curious gaze.

"Were we close?" Kagami asked him out of the blue one day and in front of everyone.

Surprised and still not prepared to really talk to Kagami, no matter how much he had wanted to, he eloquently answered with a "huh?"

The red-head repeated his question as he moved to sit next to Aomine on the couch, fixating him with that curious face and waiting for his response. Feeling the gaze of everyone in the apartment on him, Aomine wrecked his now blank brain for an answer.

_Had they been close?_

Their relationship had always been sort of odd. They had spent a lot of time together, but they were either playing basketball or arguing with each other. He use to barge into the red-heads apartment waiting to be fed or simply just to be there, but they never really shared personal information with each other like "close" friends. Other than their names and some other little information, Aomine wasn't sure how to answer.

Especially since he didn't want to be _just friends_.

Scratching the back of his head, he lazily looked at the red-head before shrugging and saying: "Yeah, guess you can say that."

Unsatisfied with that answer Kagami scrunched up his eyebrows and didn't let Aomine to end it with just that.

"What kind of answer is that! Were we or were we not friends?" Kagami demanded.

Aomine quirked an eyebrow, not really understanding why the other was so insisting on wanting to know what they were. He never saw him question anyone else he didn't remember, the red-head had just accepted that they were all his friends. So why did his answer matter?

Looking at the others face carefully he tried to figure out the motive. A bit of hope that the red-head perhaps remembered who he was slipping in his heart, but all he could see was curiosity and frustration from not getting that fulfillment. Aomine wasn't sure why, but it sort of pissed him off.

Still he couldn't bring himself to quarrel with the red-head like he use to, and he knew the other well enough to know that no matter what answer he gave it would start some sort of fight because even now he could see it was still Kagami he was dealing with. But the fact that the other didn't so much know who he was dealing with made something within him hurt.

With a sigh Aomine got off the couch, slinging his bag over his shoulder, and walking to the door.

"Oi! where-"

"Yeah, Bakagmi we were friends," Aomine interrupted, as he looked back at the other male's shocked expression.

* * *

**Finally finished this chapter! For some reason I wasn't satisfied with it and kept re-writing, but I think this one is okay (I hope). So yes even with Kagami waking up there will still be angst (poor Aomine doesn't** **get a break but that life for ya)**,** but I'm hoping the slow romancing I plan on writing will make it sweet. Thanks for all the reviews/favs/follows :).**


End file.
